Family · Katie's Kooky Thoughts

Dear Neighbor


At some point in the history of humans we decided to domesticate animals. One of these animals rose above the others and became esteemed as man’s best friend. After decades of breeding, we now have countless combinations of dogs. Not only are the combinations endless, the bond between man and dogs has become stronger. Dogs at one time were only used for a purpose of making life easier: herding sheep, scaring off predators, protection, hunting, and so on. Then some genius had the idea to utilize dogs as companions, lap snugglers, and status symbols. This relationship has transformed now even further to surrogate children.

There is a pocket of people who think: I have a hole in my heart, I want kids. Followed by: I don’t really want kids, they’re too much work and money. I know a dog is just as good as a kid! Hence the trend of getting a dog instead of having children.

I may not agree with that life choice, but really, if you don’t feel like you’d be a good parent, sure get a dog instead of having children.  That’s your choice. But just like my choice to have children has had many consequences, yours does as well.

As a parent it is my responsibility to ensure that my child is fed, clothed, clean, and educated. It is my responsibility to change my child’s diapers and potty train her. It is my responsibility to get proper health care for her. It is my job to ensure her safety. It is also my responsibility to teach her not to be a butt and a terrorist on society and humanity. It is also my responsibility to teach her to be an independent and functioning, capable person.


You chose to have a dog instead (I know, you’re so relieved looking at that ridiculous list I just gave). You are thinking Hey all I have to worry about is vet bills, grooming, training, and walks. Serious dog parents (as you call yourself) will argue that you have just as much, if not more, intense responsibilities with a dog. That’s great. I want to focus on a key major responsibility (especially when you live in an apartment setting with your four legged child): Picking up the poop!!

Our first apartment was completely and absolutely pet free, no pets whatsoever. Our second apartment started out as pet free, but halfway through our lease it was sold to a different management company. After that it became populated with pet people. Don’t get me wrong, I like animals. I love animals. I did my internship at a farm for crying out loud. What I don’t like are irresponsible pet people. Our current apartment is brand new. We are the first to live here. We were so excited when we moved in and saw this huge greenbelt behind our building. This large grass area was like a big beautiful green hope for my daily routine. I could imagine Princess Pea and I running through the grass on warm sunny Colorado days. I could see us coloring with sidewalk chalk. I could see us building snowmen and snow angels on the cold days. This large greenbelt was a dream come true. It was as close to having a backyard I was going to get for a while and it was beautiful.

Then you moved in. All of you. You populate all the buildings around us and the greenbelt. You live on the first floor, you live in the building kiddy corner across the green belt, you’re everywhere. I don’t have an issue with you our your adorable buddy. Princess Pea loves watching you as you walk your dog around the complex (whether it’s being pushed in the doggy stroller or on a leash). She rarely approaches you to ask to pet it. She is content with watching it as you walk by.


You personally, your fuzz ball of a baby, I have no beef with you personally. My issue is the fact that you cannot seem to pick up the landmines hidden around the greenbelt. You leave little treasures all around the rocks and other landscaping. There is not a place (other than the street) that is not tainted with your child’s presents. Your laziness, your slacking of your key responsibility as a pet owner, is making it so my child cannot run and play and do all the fun things we dreamed of when we first laid eyes on the lush green grass. And it’s not just my child. I’ve seen boys trying to avoid the hidden logs as they play football.

It baffles me how you can just leave the poop there when there are poo-poo station trash cans with baggies all over the complex. The only good thing that has come from your lazy and selfish ways is now Princess Pea knows what dog poop looks like and not to touch it. She watches carefully where she walks because poop is almost impossible to get out of shoes.


Please, please, please, do the responsible thing and clean up after your dog. It doesn’t matter if it’s dark, cold, or raining. This is something you chose to be a part of when you adopted that turd machine. Oh and if you get smacked in the back of the head by tiny sparkly toddler shoes with poop encrusted in the soles of them, take it as a neighborly reminder to clean up the crap!

Your dogless (by choice) neighbor,



2 thoughts on “Dear Neighbor

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