Between the highly over dramatized TV shows and the poorly written, yet highly popular young adult novels, I can completely understand why this is now an accepted idea in our culture. Generation after generation jump into this idea bubble and hold tight as they try to maneuver life, viewing it from their bubble. Well I’m about to pop this bubble!
I know I’ve spoken…er…written against this idea before, but never have I dedicated an entire post to it. The idea is completely laughable, really. It’s the belief in soulmates. You heard (read) me. Believing in a soulmate or that there is one person out there created just for you is right up there with believing in faeries or boogey men. If you’re still in denial, still holding out for your soulmate to come riding in on that rainbow unicorn and sweep you off your feet, I got a newsflash for you: Unicorns aren’t real either.
I know I sound harsh and cynical but stay with me. If you believe in a supreme creator, like I do, soulmates are a flawed belief. Our creator gave us the power to choose everything, from what we eat, what we wear, to our education and career path. Why would a creator give us so much power in our life, than take away our ability to choose the most important choice: who we marry? He wouldn’t.
If you don’t believe in a supreme creator and that we’re all just here for no reason (we just exist and that’s it), well then there’s no such thing as a soul, there’s no need for a soul mate because what’s the point.
What if your soulmate chooses not to get married? What if your soulmate died in a freak accident? What if your soulmate chooses a different lifestyle? Sucks for you? Not really, because soul mates are figments of your imagination.
I know I sound like a kermudgen but I’m not. I believe in love, romance, and eternity. I just believe there is something much more romantic about choosing a person than being compelled to be with someone. There is something special about waking every morning and choosing to love that person, choosing to forgive, choosing to put them first, choosing them. Love is a choice. It isn’t always an easy one, but it is always a choice.
Superman and I recently celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. It was in the midst of moving and other chaos, so I neglected to blog about it earlier. Superman on the other hand wrote a very sweet and lovey dovey message on Facebook for me (oh and he also took me on a hot date). I know four years isn’t super long being compared with eternity, but I feel like it is still an accomplishment. Four years of continuing to choose each other, four years of putting the other first, and four years of working together.
When Superman and I met, I thought he was fresh out of high school (he looks really young for his age). After a month or so of random social interactions, he finally talked me into giving him my number and then talked me into going on a date with him. I gave him the cold shoulder pretty much the entire date. But he chose to keep trying. Finally, I fell for him (after getting jealous of him going out with my friend).
We dated for six months before getting engaged, then married almost eight months later. Superman and I have both had to make sacrifices and compromises in our life.
Marriage is a lot of work and it can get hard. I could see if you believed in soulmates how easy it would be to become disenchanted or believe your spouse isn’t “the one” because it got hard. It’s easy to see why the divorce rate is so high with this “soul mates” nonsense implanting itself in everyone’s brains. I guess there’s the appeal of someone just for you, but choosing your companion is much more romantic than that.
When I was a teenager and I was questioned why I was waiting until marriage to do certain things, I would state “Because I love my future husband.” I would think about how it matter to me. Yes, others said “If he really loves you, it doesn’t matter.” But I knew the kind of person I wanted him to be, so I knew I needed to be similar to that. How could I expect or dream of someone that I wasn’t willing to match their dedication or values?
By choosing we don’t become victims of fate or circumstance. By choosing we have the power. We don’t have to stay with a bad choice, just because we took a long time making it. We don’t have to fall victim to our animal like tendencies, we don’t have to be puppets. Our choice is what makes us and what gets us where we are. Our choice is who we end up with, no matter what you believe.
How did you make your choice?