Recently I’ve been wasting what little free time I have on watching old episodes of Sabrina the Teenage Witch from the 90’s. Before you get all eye roll and judgey on my choice of entertainment, the show is rated G. Anyway, As I was watching (and reliving my childhood) I realized that every time Sabrina is stuck she can turn to her aunts, her cat, her quiz master, and her magic spell book. She’s a teenager so she’s not usually willing to do any of that until it’s ridiculous, catastrophic, and good for cheesy TV. Of course the solution is always so simple and has some moral reason behind it and has the heartwarming moment expected of a G rated show.
Lately my life has not been at all how I planned (see my other posts). There have been some significant changes. I am working a part time job right now. I only work two days a week for a total of sixteen hours, but it affects my family more than I would have ever guessed. I have learned a lot from this as well as having a new slew of problems. Besides jobs, Superman and I have new callings in our ward (we’re volunteers in the youth program. We’re working with 14 and 15 year olds). This has added a new dimension to our lives. There are other things going on as well that are more personal and family relates as well as the holidays coming up. With so much, I have often found myself pausing and questioning if I’m making the right choices. Am I doing what I’m supposed to do?
As I recovered from the latest illness that has plagued our house constantly since I started working, I had a thought come to mind: If my life story was in a book, I would so read it. The more I thought about it, the more I really wished my entire life, start to finish was in some bound book, sitting on my shelf for me to check on periodically. Anytime I’d be second guessing myself or wonder if I’m doing what Heavenly Father wants of me, I could flip open and read. I wondered how much time I’d stop wasting because rather than running around with no purpose, I’d know exactly what I should be doing; rather than dilly dallying or even spending too much time watching Sabrina, I would be working on the next step. At least I’d like to think that’s what I would do.
If my entire life was in a book, I wouldn’t need to cry over things not going according to my plans, because my plans would just be in harmony of the book. When I would face conflict or strife, I wouldn’t be moved because I would have my book to support my stance.
Well I don’t have a book. I don’t think anyone really does have that magic book (if you do, let me know!) As easy and great that magic book would be, it would probably really stunt my growth as a person. It would definitely limit my problem solving skills. But I think there is another reason why the book is not a good idea: it would limit faith.
Right now I’m flying blind. Sure, I know my daily routine, the rules, expectations, and things I ought to do, but outside this, I’m not sure what the future holds. I don’t know how to solve every problem or even what every problem even is, but I do know that regardless of all that, there is a master plan. Heavenly Father loves me. He knows me personally. He knows me better than I know myself and He has a plan for me. All that I have to do is practice faith and trust.
When I was 19, faith was described to me as being in a dark room in the only beam of light and the only way to move forward was to step into the darkness, trusting that light will follow. Yes, faith is trusting in that, but faith is more than trust, faith is attitude. When we have an attitude of faith, we understand that just because something happens that’s bad, negative, or hard, we know it isn’t a punishment. It isn’t a cosmic joke. It isn’t even always a test. Things happen because that is a side effect of being human and living here. The attitude of Faith helps not only understand this, but have our first response be a positive one rather than one of despair, questioning, and being angry and blaming God.
Yes, having a book with all the answers would make this journey of life easier to bear, filled with certainty and less drama, but it would completely defeat the point of life. We must go forward with an attitude of Faith.
If you could have any ultimate book, what would it be?