Family · Katie's Kooky Thoughts

How the Cookie Really Crumbles

Sometimes I feel like Facebook is like a refrigerator: you open it, look to see if there’s anything good, see nothing, go sit back down, get bored and repeat. More and more I’ve found myself pulling away from my crutch of Facebook and more towards ebooks.  With the election over, the emotionally charged arguments have faded into background noise until another heated event can take center stage.

I figured that event would come as the tragedy of terrorist attack or some other unthinkable event so I was surprised when it came in the most innocent of packages.  Before you get all emotionally charged about everything I want to be clear: Not only did I research this with the all-powerful Google but I also interviewed a lady who has worked with the organization for many years and who I know has high moral values.

Image from Google

This hot button issue is Girl Scout Cookies. Before you spit out your drink in rage, shock, or laughter, bear with me. Girl Scouts has often been proclaimed to be an evil organization using innocent girls to perform child labor and peddle over-priced, highly fatty cookies with their adorable faces. Besides the nefarious plot to dominate the cookie industry on the backs of cherubic children, they are often protested by Pro-Life organizations and people. Not because girls shouldn’t be forced into matching outfits while pressuring people outside King Soopers, but because Girl Scouts are supposedly in bed with Planned Parenthood.


Wow. Who knew cookies sold by children would be the cause of children’s deaths. Hmm… Well this didn’t sit well with me. Mostly because I couldn’t understand how an organization that is looking for donations, like all the time, would be then donating that money to other organizations such as Planned Parenthood. I mean, logically it doesn’t add up. A plus B does not equal 17. If you are a company or organization that relies on other people opening their wallets and donating to your cause, you probably don’t have a vault full of money rivaling Scrooge MacDuck ready to scoop up and hand over to some other organization.

Now that you’ve grabbed your calculator or thinking cap and found that it doesn’t add up, where did this nonsense come from? Well the United Way. The United Way is running around town giving money to organizations left and right like Oprah with her favorite things (“You get funding, and you get funding. Everybody gets funding!”).  The United Way has given money to both Planned Parenthood and Girls Scouts. Could you imagine being black listed because you got a gift from someone who also gave a gift to someone who kicks kittens for fun? You’d be branded as a Kitten Kicker even though you have endless evidence that you have never booted a cat, let alone a kitten. It’s ridiculous.

Maybe you’re agreeing with the funding thing, but hey, Girls Scouts is still evil. Evil because they teach and push the abortion propaganda. Hmm, well I don’t know about you, but I know that if someone was teaching my child about sex education (any aspect of it) without my knowledge, I would sue their pants right off (or some other extremely aggressive response), as would millions of other parents. I don’t know about you, but I would not risk the fate of my organization on something that has nothing to do with my purpose.

Image from Girl Scouts

The truth about sex education (mostly abortion education) is that in order to teach any aspect of sex education in Girls Scouts, parent permission slips must be signed. The other aspect is that it isn’t even required curriculum in the organization. It is completely up to the digression of the Girl Scout leader, and the leader is the one who can choose what is being taught. If your Girl Scout troop learned about abortion it isn’t because Girl Scouts is pushing it down those innocent little cookie salespeople’s throats, it’s because you picked a troop leader that felt like it should be taught.

Image from Google

But, Katie, Girl Scouts is evil because they let BOYS in and not just any boys, TRANSGENDERS!! Ok calm your giblets. Girls Scouts doesn’t admit boys because it is supposed to be a safe place for girls to be girls. Endless studies have found that girls will act differently when boys are around. Now as for “non-biological girls” who is checking? I’m sure if there was skirt checks it would be back to that whole aggressive parental response and the end of the organization. There would not be any situation that would end up with the girls checking that out. Even if they were swimming and changing in a locker room, they would be using stalls and other methods of privacy to prevent the girls from being victims of other things, but that is a different issue.


So when that doe-eyed girl shows up to your door with her uniform and order form, there is no need to be rude and hand her a brochure telling her she supports evil incarnate or whatever. You can order cookies without fear of the money being spent on anything other than the organization that is giving that dimpled faced hooligan a place to be and life lessons.

Enjoy your Tagalongs!



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